Not What I Expected
by mj1599
Summary: AU - A different version of Bella's transformation. A/N - This started out as an intro to a completely different story, but took on a life of it's own. I'm just trying to get back into writing after a LONG break, so I would love comments and criticisms.


I would never get used to the amazing feeling of running as a vampire. I remember when Edward used to carry me while he was running and it was terrifying or exhilarating, but it was nothing compared to traveling at that speed propelled by your own power.

_Edward_. Just thinking his name made me smile. I had left him back at the cabin where we were staying. He didn't get tired, but he couldn't run as fast as I could and he knew I liked to test my limits.

While we certainly still spent a lot of time together there were things I wanted to do without him. It was strange. I had never, _ever_, wanted to be away from Edward while I was human. Being away from him had been physically painful, and emotionally unbearable. But now that I was immortal and we had eternity together, it was fun to explore on my own. I felt more independent, more complete, than I ever had as human. Of course, things weren't like this right away. After the change, I had needed Edward more than ever.

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A year ago, right after the fight with Victoria and the newborns, the Cullens and I discussed what it would be like when I changed. I had seen the newborns in action, so I had some idea of what I was in for.

"But we don't know if it will be exactly like that for you," Edward said, glancing at Carlisle for acknowledgment. "We don't know of anyone who was changed of their own free will, so it's possible that it will be easier for you. And it will certainly be easier for you, since we will all be there to support you. We'll stop you from doing anything you would regret."

_Anything you would regret._ He meant like killing people. Killing innocent people who had no idea what was coming. They would be terrified before they died, because they would be killed by a monster. Of course, I didn't think that all vampires were monsters. Edward obviously wasn't, but newborns kind of were. I shuddered at the thought of it, but I trusted in Edward's assurances. He wouldn't let me hurt anyone. He said that, and I believed him, because, well, he was Edward.

Even though I wasn't worried about that possibility, I didn't want to talk about it anymore. "What I want to know about is the actual change? How will that - I mean, how are we going to do that?" Edward glanced at Carlisle again who nodded.

"Well, we are going to have to leave Forks before we change you. We can't be sure that the pack will consider the treaty still in tact after you are changed." The mention of the pack brought an image of Jacob's face to the front of my mind. I hadn't seen him since the day after the fight. Even though I was happy with Edward, I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that my world was a little dimmer without my best friend. But I knew it was for the best. Being around Jacob made things harder on all of us, most of all him, and I was glad that I wasn't hurting him on a daily basis anymore.

Edward was continuing with his explanation. "Plus, we should get you as far away from humans as possible, just to make it easier on all of us." Edward paused and looked sternly at Emmett, responding to something only Edward could hear. "Yes, we will," he hissed. Emmett just shrugged, but kept his mouth shut. I had a pretty good idea what that was about, but I didn't want to talk about it either.

"So," Carlisle continued where Edward had left off, giving him a chance to calm down, "we will probably go up near Denali. That way we will have the support of Tanya's coven. And they are relatively secluded, especially at this time of year. And the cold that drives humans away from that area for the winter season won't be a problem for you any longer." He smiled encouragingly at me. I knew he wouldn't allow this to happen if he didn't believe it was for the best.

"Right," Edward said, collected again. He was pointedly not looking in Emmett's direction, though, so I was guessing that Emmett was still thinking things that Edward wasn't particularly happy with. "We'll make the change after we get to Denali. As soon as possible, really, especially since you don't want Charlie to think you are dead." _Charlie_. A pang went through me. I knew he would miss me, and that it would be difficult to continue to have a relationship with him after the change, but I wanted to leave open the possibility that after I was in control of my senses, I could return to him. Maybe he would be able to attribute the changes in my appearance to the time passing, though that would only work for so long before he realized that my appearance was never going to change again. But I would at least be able to talk to him on the phone. I couldn't imagine just letting him think I was dead.

"We're going to try giving you morphine for the change itself, to see if it will help with the pain. But, it will probably be very painful, even if the morphine works." I nodded, swallowing thickly as Carlisle explained the actual change itself. "We'll be monitoring you and we'll make sure you get through it ok." Suddenly, I realized how often plurals were being used.

"We?" I said, confused. "I thought it was just going to be me and Edward." My vision of being changed was a romantic scene with just the two of us, his mouth on my neck, somewhere with candles. Not at all the clinical situation Carlisle and Edward seemed to have in mind.

"No." Edward said, with a note of finality I knew couldn't be argued with. "I can't be sure I would be able to stop myself before it was too late. I will be the one changing you, but Carlisle will be there, too. And he will be the one administering your morphine." His perfect face looked tightly controlled. I knew it was difficult for him to know that he might kill me He was already sacrificing everything he wanted for me by doing this, but it was just so different from what I pictured.

"Ok," I said, quietly. I knew it wasn't worth arguing. I was getting eternity with Edward, which was more than I ever could have hoped for.

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The pain was unbearable. The tiny part of my brain that wasn't screaming was thinking, _Wasn't the morphine supposed to help with this!?_ But mostly any kind of rational thought was impossible. It was like being burned from the inside out. But less like flames, and more like acid. That wasn't even right. It was like liquid nitrogen. It was like someone had injected liquid nitrogen into my veins and now every inch of my body, every vein, every capillary, every _everything_ was freezing and burning at the same time. But I never became unconscious. Never slept, never fainted, just endured and felt every second of the agonizing two days while my body adjusted to Edward's venom inside of me. I had a vague notion that Edward was in the room with me, but I couldn't focus on him at all.

Later, I found out that not only Edward, but also Carlisle had stayed the entire forty-eight hours. Not only that, but they had been impressed with how well the morphine had worked. Even though they swore to me that they pain would have been much greater without it, I couldn't imagine any greater pain than what I felt during the change.

When the pain finally subsided enough for me to think about anything else, all I could think of was how my throat felt funny. Scratchy and still kin of burning, even though the burning was over everywhere else. When I sat up, Edward was at my side, looking at me, his face a mask of concern.

"How are you?" He asked, staring into my eyes almost as if he were staring at a stranger.

"Thirsty." _Oh._ As soon as I spoke, my hand flew up to my mouth. That couldn't be me talking. That tinkling, bell-like sound _couldn't_ be my voice. I tried again. "Thirs-ty." I looked up at him in wonder, my hand now resting on my throat, feeling the vibrations there as I spoke. "Is this . . . is this what I sound like?" I knew it was a silly question, but I couldn't help it. It was just too strange.

Edward's face broke into a relieved smile. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me. I was pretty sure he was squeezing me as tight as he could, but I still felt as though I could break out of his grasp if I wanted to. Not that I wanted to at all. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as well.

"Oomph," Edward grunted. "That's actually a little tight, Bella." I loosened my grip and looked up into his perfect face. I thought that maybe after I became a vampire, he wouldn't look so devastatingly gorgeous, since he would be one of my own kind, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He was even more gorgeous now that I could see him properly. See every detail of his flawless face. I could feel a smile slowly pulling the sides of my mouth up. But I also noticed the burning in my throat again.

"Thirsty," I repeated, raising an eyebrow at him. He must have known that the first thing I would want would be to hunt. He smiled and took my hand as I climbed off the bed where my transformation had taken place. I froze. His hand felt . . . normal. Not like an ice-cold rock, but like skin. I softly ran my thumb over his skin. I realized that his skin was still hard, but not nearly as solid as I thought it was while I was human. I looked up at him with a smile. "You're not freezing." I could hear the wonder in my voice.

His face lips curled up in a smile, but I thought I saw just the smallest hint of sadness in his eyes. "And you're not on fire." I smiled back at him. I didn't know what to say to make that little bit of sadness go away, but I knew that his happiness, like mine, outweighed the sadness about all of the things we had left behind. I looked around the room, noticing that I could see every detail in perfect clarity. I could see specs of dust and the woodgrain in the flooring and through the window I could see individual veins on leaves of a tree that must be a hundred yards away or more.

"We can go hunt right now, Bella. Carlisle and Emmett are going to join us just to be safe." I nodded, understanding that I was stronger than any of them, so if something happened, there would need to be more than one of them to stop me. I couldn't help feeling a little self-conscious about the fact that so many members of my new family would be watching me, but my throat was burning with thirst. I actually felt the burning throughout my entire body. Every vein in my body was crying out for blood. But, even though I knew that I needed blood more than I had ever needed anything in my human life, it didn't keep me from thinking about other things. I could still think about how embarrassing it would be to have them all watching as I probably did everything wrong and couldn't catch anything to eat. Edward had always said that his brain worked differently, and I finally understood what he meant. I could focus on multiple things at the same time with the same intensity that would have required my entire attention when I was human.

And I realized all of that practically instantaneously. "Yes," I replied, enthusiastically. "Now would be good." He smiled and, with no notice, took two steps before leaping out the window. As he landed, I could hear him call to Carlisle and Emmet, as clearly as if he were still standing right next to me, and I knew he wasn't even raising his voice.

"Carlisle, Emmett. She's ready to hunt." I walked over to the window, and saw Carlisle and Emmett join Edward almost before he was done talking. They were both moving at speeds so fast that they would have blurred if a human were watching them. But to me, they were perfectly defined. I couldn't sepress a small chuckle as I realized that while I was human they had walked around at human speed when I was around, but I was now quite certain that their normal travelling speed was much faster.

I didn't want to delay, but I wasn't sure how to go about jumping through the window. I had no idea how strong I was, so I didn't know how much force to use. I was very self- conscious about makeing a fool of myself. Why couldn't there be a book or something? Like, "So, You're a Vampire Now," or "Being a Vampire for Dummies." The thirst overcame my embarassment.

"Here goes," I said to myself as I crouched down, gathering my strength to spring out the window. I could hear my hunting partners laughing. I smiled as I launched myself through the window. I didn't push off even close to as hard as I could, but I still overshot Edward by about fifty feet. But I barely noticed.

As soon as I landed I spun around, exhilarated. Edward, Emmett and Carlisle had come to where I landed. "That was fantastic! I felt like I could fly. I mean, I probably could have jumped another three hundred feet, or more!" I couldn't help reacting to my own strength. I was just so pumped. And thirsty. "Ok, where do we go?"

Edward smiled. "Where do you want to go?" He raised his eyebrows, as if he was expecting me to realize something. I didn't appreciate it. I was extremely thirsty and didn't want to waste a second.

I took a deep breath to tell Edward that he wasn't amusing, but stopped. As soon as I inhaled, I could smell . . . everything. I could smell animals in the woods. I could distinguish them from one another. I couldn't match the scents with the types of animals yet, but I knew that I would learn quickly, especially with Edward helping. One smell was particularly intoxicating, but it was also the faintest. I could only barely smell it.

"I know where I want to go." Before Edward could respond, I was off. Running, toward the delicious scent. The rest of my hunting party would just have to catch up, because the burning in my throat had reached an unbearable level.

I could hear the others following behind me, but I was running almost as fast as I could, and I knew that I was faster than them, with my human blood still in my body, nourishing me. The scent was still faint, but it was getting stronger, and I knew I was headed in the right direction. I ran, even faster, thinking that the faster I could get there, the faster the burning would stop. I heard Edward yell from behind me.

"Bella, slow down, we should stay toge-" Edward's voice cut off sharply, but I didn't slow down. It was almost as though I couldn't. I was being drawn by the powerful scent and I could smell it getting stronger and stronger with each lightning fast stride that I took.

"Bella, NO!" Carlisle's voice cut through the woods. I didn't know why Edward wasn't the one calling me, but I still didn't stop. I was almost there. It was drawing me closer and closer, and I couldn't stop for anything. With three more strides, I broke into a clearing, and came to a halt.

Two human boys looked up to see me, their eyes filling with wonder, then terror as they took in my appearance. I can only imagine what I looked like to them. An impossibly fast, impossibly beautiful girl tearing into their campsite. They both froze. They were absolutely still.

I knew I shouldn't walk towards them, but my feet started moving towards them, slowly, stalking them. I could see their faces become more and more terrified as I got closer and their campfire illuminated my eyes. One started to get up and pulled at the other one to follow, but he wasn't budging. He couldn't take his eyes off me. It was like he wanted to, but couldn't. Kind of like me. I wanted to stop walking towards them. I wanted to turn and run the other way, but the smell of their blood was too strong, too overwhelming. I couldn't turn away.

I was about two steps away from the boys when I heard a furious rustling in the leaves and whipped my head around to see Edward, Carlisle and Emmet emerge into the clearing. I looked back to the boy, who now seemed to be getting a little more sensible. He was responding to his friend's tugs and starting to move away from me. I snarled and leapt at him, grabbing and bringing his body in front of mine. It was convenient that he was relatively short. I could reach the back of his neck with no problem.

"Bella, wait!" Edward's voice came through. I could hear him, and I paused. I looked up at Edward and saw his surprised and pained expression. Carlisle looked equally pained, but less surprised. Just as my brain had the logical next thought, _Where's Emmett?_, I felt myself tackled to the ground. The boy ran off with his friend into the woods as I kicked Emmett off of me, snarling.

In a flash, Edward was next to me, his arms around me. "I'm so sorry. So sorry, Bella. I never wanted this to happen." He put his hands on my face and looked me square in the eyes. "Bella?" My throat was still burning, but the scent was farther away now, and had less impact on me.

"Please, Edward," I whispered, desperately. Deep down, I knew there was a lot to talk about, but I needed to eat something before anything else went wrong. He nodded.

"Carlisle, could you go get her something and bring it here?" Carlisle nodded and took off into the woods, faster than I had ever seen him move. He returned in seconds with a rabbit, still alive, squirming in his hands. It smelled good, but nothing like the boys.

"Here," Carlisle said, softly. "It isn't a lot, but it will help until we find something larger. I grabbed the rabbit from him and brought it to my mouth, ripping its throat out with my fangs to get to the sweet liquid inside. I slurped and sucked hungrily, draining the animal quickly. Carlisle was right; it wasn't much. But I did notice that the burning in my throat had lessened somewhat. As I dropped the carcass to the forest floor, I looked at Edward, still holding me, and the enormity of what had just happened hit me.

"Oh my god." A horse gasp came out of my throat. I could feel waves of hysteria washing over me. I had almost killed that boy. I had almost ripped into his throat and drained his blood. Images of myself hunched over the bloody body of the boy kept flashing in my head.

"I know, I know." Edward held me tighter. "I shouldn't have let that happen. We should have scouted a broader area. We couldn't smell them back at the house, because your senses are just so much stronger than ours. We thought we had checked far enough from the house, but we underestimated you." I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Please, Edward, please don't let me become a monster." I could feel a hitch in his throat.

"Never, I promise."

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It had been difficult for those first few months. I wouldn't go anywhere if Edward wasn't with me. Just to be safe. And even though there were other close calls, Edward kept his promise. Despite the bets that Jasper and Emmett had been making, I had not killed a single human. Not one. Jasper, in particular, found that impressive, fascinating and infuriating all at the same time. And after a couple of months, I felt more confident that even if I encountered humans, I would be fine. Edward and I travelled down to Seattle a couple of times so that I could get used to populated areas. Of course, we always went at night and I always wore sunglasses to hide my bright red eyes from anyone who looked at us.

My eyes have faded a lot. They aren't quite the amber color that the rest of the Cullens have, but they are golden-red instead of bright red, now. And I've gotten used to the smell of humans. I have been around many on my own a couple of times, though I still get a little nervous about it. I try not to go too long without hunting so that I'm not tempted by humans while I am extremely thirsty.

It's not what I thought it would be. Not that it's anyone's fault. I was fully informed about my decision to become a vampire, but my main reason was always the same. I wanted to spend eternity with Edward. And now, only one year into eternity, I realize that becoming a vampire was the only way I would be able to become independent. As a human, I always needed someone to take care of me. I was always putting myself in danger. And for the first few months as a vampire, it was the same. Except I had to be stopped from hurting others instead of stopped from hurting myself.

But now . . . now I feel strong. Capable of taking care of myself. It's not that I don't love Edward. I do. I will love Edward for eternity. I just don't _need_ him so desperately anymore. When I was a human, I was afraid that this would happen. I was afraid that my need for blood would outweigh my need for Edward and he would no longer be the most important thing in my life. Instead, I realized that nothing outweighs my need for Edward, it's just that I'm more self-reliant now. Funny how the thing I was most afraid of ended up being the best thing about becoming a vampire.


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